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  • Gerardo Javier Garza Cabello

Recap



There were so many hidden things within me that I never imagined I could feel, not in my wildest dreams, not in the grandest glories, not even in my darkest hours... Now, with a little more calm and time, I can savor the lessons from my past. I have understood, for example, that happiness is the counterpart of sadness, an exact compass that leaves no inconsistency. The most beautiful thing you have ever felt can become your worst fear; the saddest thing you could imagine can transmute into fire. And the diametrical distance between your joy and your misfortune lies in how you choose to confront what, even if you desired it with all your soul, you could not have controlled.


I also learned to make peace with all my eras. I have made a list of the things I have fought so hard for. I understand, with astonishment, that they have only cost me time. Those fleeting joys I felt for possessing are no longer even memories. Possessions have degraded into oblivion, the loves I cherished so much have not prevailed. I am left only with the hands of my clock and a bunch of anecdotes to review, which I have finally been able to step back a bit and recap. My fears have been fundamental in preventing me from drowning in the sea of all that was never mine. I should have trusted fate a little more and let go of the rope that burned my hands to avoid falling into an abyss, which in the end was nothing more than a new sky, with other fears, with other smiles, with empty shelves to fill with new memories.


And it is clear to me after so much adversity that I had to go through the fire to find myself, that it could not have been otherwise, that I could not change painful details, that I could not foresee disastrous moments, that I had to lose everything that is no longer mine to fill my soul with will, my heart with love, and my rooms with the scent of your skin. My walls are bare and we are a canvas. There is nothing I desired more than this new beginning, and you are facing the best of me. I am certain, like an eternal optimist, that I am facing the best of you and I want to walk again on the sidewalks of your streets, to accompany you from one side of the sidewalk to the other to regulate your sun and your shadow. It is a pleasure to accompany you, to breathe you, to draw stars with your moles, and to see a thousand sunsets with you, to recognize all my failures and still want to stay one more day, to have tea together.

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